More Like Her, that's how I should be
by hermiones heart and soul
Summary: She had it all. She had my brother. She had my family wrapped around her finger. She had Harry looking out for her. She had the perfect grades. She had the perfect answers to everyones questions.


She's beautiful in her simple little way

She don't have too much to say when she gets mad

She had it all. She had my brother. She had my family wrapped around her finger. She had Harry looking out for her. She had the perfect grades. She had the perfect answers to everyones questions. When she got agry, her temper flared internally, never scorching others, only giving them a lick of reminder, while mine blazed the entire room, melting it down to a pile of useless ashes. She had ever curly hair that flowed in waterfalls down to her waist, the color of honey and chocolate. It was effortlessly simple, yet effortlessly beautiful as it complimented her petite frame and chocolate and golden eyes, never swallowing her as it used to. She never wore makeup, but even I'l admit, she didn't need it. Every part of her screamed "natural beauty," and "love me" right along with it.

She understands she don't let go of anything

Even when the pain gets really bad

She got to go on the Horcrux Mission. She was tortured, yet survived, earning her an even higher heroine rank. She never was the bad guy-rather, girl. She was the mudblood, as it was carved into her arm, but no one treated her with an ounce of disrespect anymore. How I would have been in trouble if anyone had heard that thought. She watched my brother fall for slutty little Lavender, and yet, she held on. She watched him walk away, leave her for dead, yet her love still wrapped around him like a sleeve and a shield, extending to stay wrapped around him, even after he was gone. She never stops fighting, even when it is the better choice. I'd swear she likes pain, but in all fairness, I've spent countless nights hearing her angelic cry, as my arms reached around her petite frame, comforting her. She wasn't as strong as she seemed, and she knew it. She never claimed to be anything she wasn't. She was humble. Loyal. Had every amazing quality anyone can posses, and they seem to all befit her perfectly. She was perfect.

Guess I should've been more like that

Everyone loved her. Even Draco, her longest held competitor. Even he harbored a secret, never fleeting love for the girl. She touched everyones lives. She drew them all in. Her most coveted thing was the love everyone held for each other, the feeling of belonging, and even that has been gifted to her. And I must watch. Wishing it was me. Yes, I was jealous.

You had it all for a pretty little while

And some how you made me smile when I was sad

I gave my brother EVERYTHING. Everything. I showed him how to live, even though I was the younger one. I watched out for him. I made sure Mum always treated him as if she had wanted another son as bad as she dreamed of a daughter. I helped him train for quidditch and stuck by him when they twins used their camaraderie against him. He and I were close. When I cried, he comforted me, in his unusual little way. A joke at my expense or a challenging quidditch match, where he actually made me fight, didn't just let me win. He does those small things for her now, yet, they have been tailored to appeal to her. She'll never know him like I knew him though. She couldn't. He wouldn't let her. Would he?

You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart

Then you realized you wanted what you had

He tried to regain our beautiful relationship. Our brother and sister bond, but he always had her on his mind. We both gave up. Then Harry, my Harry, my Hero, he came back a changed man. He always had one eye wandering the room, searching to find her, to reassure him she was still there, still okay. He loved her now more than ever. Sometimes, I wondered, if not for Ron, would he have chased her? Our kisses aren't the same. I feel as though her spell has wrapped around him as well now, and he has done nothing to deflect it. Yet, she does all this innocently. She wishes no harm. I hate her for it, because I cannot hate her. She honestly has done no wrong. Yet, everything is wrong because of her. It isn't right.

I guess I should've been more like that

If I started acting like her, trying to anyway I can, would everything go back to normal?

I should have held on to my pride

I should have never let you lie

I guess you got what you deserved

I should have never told Harry I missed how he was. I should have never told Ron I wanted my brother back. I should have never told them I blamed the entirety of the change on HER. But fine, if they wished to ignore me, then they deserved her. They deserved to lose my one of a kind love. But in the back of my mind, I knew. My love was nothing compared to hers. It never would be. She was everything any person could need. Her smile alone was enough to save a life. She was a healer now, working under Madame Pomfrey at Hogwarts. She was a simple, kind hearted goddess. And I was just plain. I knew in my heart my real reason for my malice towards the girl who had done no wrong, yet broken everything. But I would never admit it.

I guess I should've been more like her

I could go to school, become a healer. Start smiling more, complaining less. I could always put others before myself. I could care less about looks and more about my friends and family. I could spend more time loving and less time on everything else. I could try and replicate her behavior. But I would never be her. And I knew that for a fact.

Forgiving you, she's stronger than I am

You don't look much like a man from where I'm at

It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth

You love her and she loves you with all she has

She never held a grudge after receiving an apology. She tried her best to forget, though I'd seem her crack, late at night, months after she claimed to have completely moved on. But she never let it show. She liked others to feel good, and be happy, even if she herself had to suffer. Harry and Ron just believed her, accepted she was okay. Believed she never had nightmares. They believed she was perfectly happy. I knew better. I had to watch her fall apart. But they didn't notice her lies. They didn't notice she lied for them. They both just wanted her love. They seemed to live and breathe for it. They were desperate for it. But I could see why. She was breath taking in everything she did. Her love was a constant inside of the ever changing variables of life. It was the eye of any storm. Even I coveted her love. She bestowed it upon me, and it made me feel that much more whole. She always loved with every ounce and every fiber of her being. She loved anyone she wanted to, and anyone who needed it. Her love knew no limits. Her loved healed all wounds. I wished for that power. I wished for that more than anything else. Because she, she changed lives. But they didn't change in my favor. Maybe that's what my real problem is.

I guess I should've been more like that

I should forgive more. Give more. Love more. I should always be there, for anyone, even when I'm aching for love. I should be just like her. I know how, but it's too hard. It's exhausting. I don't know how she does it. I can't last a day, yet she lasts a lifetime. She never falters. Even when she cries, she stifles her sobs and apologizes to me, for waking me, bothering me, putting too much on me...she's so selfless. If only.

I should have held on to my pride

I should have never let you lie

I guess you got what you deserved

I'll never be the first to apologize. I meant what I said. I do blame her. Without her, things would be the same. Maybe I should blame the war. Because that's where she matured, her gifts growing, expanding, and reaching out to all those she ever came in contact with. You never forgot the kindness in her enticing eyes. You never forgot the enchanting sound of her laugh, or the ever spreading warmth of her hugs. You never stopped longing for her to love you. Save you. Make you whole. But I should never have let anyone tell me they loved me when I knew it was her they truly felt for. You couldn't not love her. You couldn't not dream of her being all yours. I shouldn't have cried in front of her early in our friendship. If I'd have never let her in, I wouldn't know of all her gifts. I would blame the change on the war, and I would let it go, as everyone else has. Fine, they deserved her. And secretly, if it comes to admittance, I wish I did, too.

I guess I should've been more like her

I should stop trying to earn love, only give it, and accept it graciously in return. I wish I thought I didn't deserve the people around me, so I held on to them with all my strength and allowed my heart strings to tie around them, anchoring them there forever. That's what she does. I should. I know everything about her. She confides in me. She calls me her best friend. Yet here I am, stating all this. Some best friend I am. It would be so easy to mimic her, when I know every thought that passes through her head. I should try.

She's beautiful in her simple, little way

The truth is, I feel all this because I, myself, covet Hermione Granger. I do not covet her gifts, I covet her affection. I dream of her being mine and only mine. I always have. Yet now, as I watch her give more of her love away, I wish to steal it all, save it up for myself.

"Hermione?"

She rolls over, beautiful, even when wrestling the demons of sleep, and being woken in the process.

"Yes? Are you alright? Do you need something?"

Her brown eyes shimmered with concern. She was so innocent, so perfect, so charming, intelligent, and kind.

"I love you."

She smiled softly,

"I love you as well, Ginny. You are my best friend."

She started to roll back over.

"Hermione?"

Not even a flicker of annoyance crosses her captivating face.

"Yes?"

I let out a shaky breath, why did I choose to do this now?

"I love you like Ron does, yet more than him. I want you as my own."

Not even a disgusted grimace touches her perfect lips.

"I've always known, Ginny. I was waiting for you to confirm my suspicions."

Then, she leaned over. And I kissed her. And I drank up everything about her. She was finally mine. I didn't worry about what this would mean, or what I would change, because I knew she would make things all right. I knew this couldn't last forever. And I knew tomorrow, we would go back to our boys, and life would go on. But I would finally know how it felt to have her be all mine.

I didn't need to be more like her. Because no one could ever come close.


End file.
